A Nearly Perfect Workout

Editors note: Many PAX were pleased with the level of beatdown in Slumlord’s Q at the Spartan today, and Sparrow made a special effort to post Slumlord’s backblast as a guide to future VQs. Editor takes full responsibility for the naming of this backblast.

Editor’s note to VQ’s: The motivator, a complicated and punishing exercise, will not help you win friends, but it will influence people.


The Thang:
BLIMPS with bricks (see below for acronym) [Lap around the school b/w reps, carrying the bricks as you run]
Burpees x10
Lunges x20
Imperial squat walkers x30
Merkins x40
Plank Jacks x50
Squats x60

Quarter pounder with cheese (25 yds run b/w reps to arrive at each station, up to 100 yds, Bernie back)
25 merkins
50 squats
75 mountain climbers
100 SSH

Dips x30
Monkey humpers x30
Decline merkins x20
Sumo squats x30
Dips x30
Jump squats x30
Decline merkins x20
Bonnie blairs x30

Circle up

Big Boy Situps x30
Flutter kicks x25
Little Baby Crunches x25
American Hammers x20

Jack Webb from 1-10

Circle of trust

Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
Psalm 116:7-9

F3 Valentines Day 2020

We had a special day at Valley of Gloom. 2 guest Qs from the Pack did a collaboration beat down in 32 degree weather. 25 Men got rock solid for their M’s best Valentines present ever.

Mosey followed by Pull ups, Burpees, Situps, Merkins

Then we were tortured with a combination Leg lift, LBC, Z trace with high reps. Not sure what that was called. Maybe. “I hate the letter Z”

We did the Motivator for about 10 minutes solid.

Threw in some duck walks and parking lot sprints.

Lunged for about 100 yards

Memory went blank. may have passed out

Woke up at Chik-fil-A with a heart shaped biscuit in my hand

You never know

It was in the Gloom of Monday on 9/9/19. I was training with my F3 brothers. I decided to wear a heavy pack while doing so. The workout went great. I had no issues at all. Afterwards, we went to Panera Bread for Coffeeteria. We laughed, we talked, it was another awesome F3 morning. Towards the end of Coffeeteria (around 7am), my left arm and back started to hurt. It wasn’t terrible. I thought I might have pulled something. As I was walking to my car, my chest started to feel real tight. I sat in my car for about a minute and drove home. I took a hot shower and let the water beat down on my back and chest. I wasn’t feeling any better like I normally do. I started thinking about the Message my pastor preached on Sunday. He told us a story about being in Australia. He had chest pains and arm pain. Ended up going to the hospital. He said it felt like a 500lb man was sitting on his chest. That’s how I felt. My “M” took me to Hoover Urgent care just to get checked out. They took my blood pressure and did an EKG. He immediately said “we are calling an ambulance. you need to go to the hospital.” I fought him and said “my wife can just take me”. He said he wasn’t comfortable with that. The readings were really high. 190/104. EKG was spiking. I told my wife to go home and get my phone and to meet me at the hospital. As soon as I arrived, the surgeon met me at the door and joked about how I looked. He said ” you aren’t at all what was advertised. I though you were going to be a 300 to 400lb guy” you don’t look like you should be having a major heart attack. I said “Heart Attack?” He said yes. You are going into surgery right now. They went though the groin and put a stent in my heart. I got really lucky and caught it early. They said it was a Major Heart Attack. If I wasn’t in the shape I’m in and hadn’t caught it this early, it would have snuck up on me several years later a most likely killed me. It is a mix between genetics and a horrible diet. F3 has literally saved my life. I am blessed and thankful. I urge all my brothers to get checked out. I thought I was in almost peak condition. However, you never know what is going on inside. This was a wake up call and I hope you all learn from my experience as I have. Thank you all sooo much for your prayers and support.

VQ Beat down

Place: Hoover Metropolitan Complex

Time: Gloom:30

PAX: (Q) Cartboy, Paperboy, Sample, Alamo, Bates, Knotts, Saturn, Matrix, Swamp, The Flipper, Fabio, Mash, Prime Time, Quiver, Roadrunner and we welcomed 2 (FNGs) Pimento, and Powder.

The pain came fast with a long Indian run followed by donkey kicks.

We were then introduced to these Beauties by doing a Stair Dora:

Bunny Hop up stairs, lunging on the flat surfaces while partner starts the series of 100 Merkins, 200 LBC and 300 Squats. Switch

We then frolacked through Darlene’s Path back to the parking lot for some Bear crawls up a hill and crawl bears back down. Performed while partner does flutter kicks. 2 rounds of each.

Circle up, name FNGs, Announcements, Prayer, Coffeeteria.

Coffee for the Soul

I’ve only been with F3 for a little over a year. I quickly realized that what got me into F3 is not what has kept me in F3. Like most of us, I joined a free workout group. However, I soon came to realize that I joined a Brotherhood. Some might call it a “cult”. There are different sayings for everyday words. They change our names and ask us to do things that we would never ever do on our own. #monkeyhumpers.

But, when the time on the clock has run down and my body is run down, I walk into a local Chick fil a, Panera Bread or Waffle house with a bunch of guys that I just went to the DARK PLACE with. We sit down and reminisce on the pain that we all just endured. We talk about things on our minds. We find out that there are other people just like us going through the same struggles we go through. We laugh, we ponder, we solve the world’s problems (at least in our own minds). It’s called Coffeeteria. What a wonderful concept for an ocean of men that each is his own island. We are able to come together and create a continent.

If you have only come to an F3 workout and skipped the most important part of F3 called coffeeteria, step out of your comfort zone and try it. The 2nd “F” is the Glue that holds us together. If you see a 2nd “F” event like a happy hour, a Ruck, a Campout or a Party, Attend! It will change your entire perspective of the workout and even your life. At least it has for me.

The Most Important

The “M” and the 2.0

As men, we do a lot of things for ourselves. We are kings of our own island. It is easy to take care of yourself, right! Well, sometimes. Getting in shape, staying in shape, bettering yourself isn’t always easy. However, we aren’t only doing this for ourselves.

Every man has someone that is important to him and He is important to someone. We can start some sort of exercise routine or diet trying to look better or feel better. The great thing about F3 is that it pushes you to think about someone other than yourself. It starts with that PAX right next to you or the SIX in the rear. You soon begin to realize that this is impacting others as well.

You are about to get ready for bed and you lay your F3 clothes out for the next morning. You choose a healthier snack from the pantry, you encourage your kids when they are struggling, you call friends that you haven’t spoken to in a while, you wrestle on the floor, you pray more or attend church more often. All of these thing and countless more are being witnessed by those that are the most import to you. Your “M” is the “Most” important person in the world to you. That could be your, wife, your finance, your mom, etc. Your 2.0 is that little version of yourself that you are raising to be even better than you are. Your sphere of influence is directly affected when you begin to better yourself.

My 2.0s always asked me about my F3 workouts and seemed really impressed that I can get up that early. They got to witness first hand what we do every week when we all attended kid’s day at the Vulcan. Scam Q’d a 2.0 workout that my kids still talk about. They got to see us interact with one another as men, they got to experience huddle prayer and feel the power of the Holy Spirit when we all gather together. These, are the things I want to impact the people that mean the most to me. There is too much in this world trying to grab their attention. Let’s all be THE EXAMPLE in their lives. Live as though someone is watching you, because they are! Be the HIM you were called to be.

F3 Black Jack

The day after

Some PAX that didn’t party too hard on the 4th of July decided to do the hard thing an wake up at the butt crack of dawn to play a little F3 Black Jack.

Warm up consisted of the Motivator and some Little baby arm circles

We played 2 separate rounds of Black Jack. If you have never heard of Black Jack, it looks like the following. The types of exercise can vary, but the count remains the same.

20 Merkins followed immediately by 1 Squat, then 19 Merkins followed by 2 squats and so on until you reach 1 Merkin and 20 Squats.

We then moseyed over to the playground for some more Black Jack

This time we used the swing set. Lying down on our backs below the swing, we did 20 chest pulls followed immediately by 1 Big Boy sit up. Then 19 Chest pulls followed by 2 Big Boy sits ups. I can keep going here, but my fingers are tired and you know the drill.

These hard core, do whatever it takes, always reliable, best of the best PAX were 3P0 (our Q), Mash, Matrix, Saturn, Bottleneck, Bates, and Myself (Roadrunner),

Fishers of Men

I hate mornings, I love sleep, and I’m not too fond of groups of people. That’s what I use to tell myself. At least, until I was reluctantly introduced to F3.

I fought F3 every time it was mentioned to me, starting with this weird group of guys with painted faces in the parking lot of Oak Mountain after a mud run in 40 degree weather. I fought it from the same friend I ran with after he decided to give F3 a try. It’s the mornings. Those sweet, precious moments when you are dead asleep in a warm bed, hopefully next to a beautiful woman. I thought there was nothing better. But there is!

Now I find sleep to be the necessary ingredient needed to help me have the energy to get up in the Gloom of the morning to crawl, sweat, hurt and fellowship with my new found Brothers. That initial rise out of bed in the wee hours of the morning gets overshadowed by the excitement I find when I pull up to a parking lot filled with guys I love and respect.

So, now I find myself attempting what F3 lovingly refers to as a Headlock. But, unlike most workout groups, I don’t find myself looking for that guy that is already in shape and may want to save money with a free workout (which you do). I literally tell everyone. Because everyone needs to be part of something bigger than themselves. It is less of a workout group and more of a brotherhood. Matthew 4:19 states – Jesus said to them “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to be fishers of men” There are few places to put that message from God into practice better than F3. Don’t just invite people to F3. Tell them your story. What does F3 mean to you?

This isn’t Fight Club. The first 2 rules are NOT  “Don’t talk about F3”. Slumlord ends all of his emails with “ALWAYS BE HEADLOCKING”. So, lets do our part. We are 1,000 PAX strong. Imagine the impact we can have on our community if that number doubled or even tripled. Imagine the differences we can see in our 2.0s, our M’s that witness us attempting to better ourselves. You may not realize it, but it affects them too. Its like a spark igniting a flame. This world is in desperate need of Male leaders. I can’t imagine better leaders than men that have the discipline to do the hard thing in the gloom of the morning while also following God’s word.

Let’s go be Fishers of Men